“How Many Frogs Must I Kiss?”

FrogCover1

Semi-autobiographical in nature, this  sarcastic, humorous novella gives a glimpse into an older, divorced woman’s search for the elusive/mystical Prince Charming.

Read about the ups and downs (not the physical movements, but the emotional ones) our Princess experiences. Cry with her as she searches in the scary woods of the world, struggling to find her Prince.

Appreciate her wry sense of humor when she laughs at herself.

Rejoice with happiness when she is successful.

And hopefully, you will fall in love with your prince all over again.

 

Excerpt

Chapter 1

“How Many Frogs Must I Kiss”

Oh, to be twelve years old again and only worried about unwanted hair removal. Should I shave my legs or use Nair? Now, forty something odd years later, I still remove hair—facial hair—and worry about life’s problems, hair being the least significant.

Through all these years, I have made many other decisions as well as many mistakes. Just imagine if I had used Nair, I probably would have no unsightly stubble.

Today, I find myself in a mid-life crisis, although I feel more like it is an old-age crisis. I’m alone and lonely, except for the gray hair, the varicose veins, and the forgetfulness that are my constant and truest companions. I am alone because the choices I made in men were poor—regretfully poor.

My first mistake (Prince I) was marrying my high school sweetheart. I married him to assuage my Catholic guilt. I used to say, “It’s okay to have premarital sex, we’re getting married.”  Except for the birth of my daughter, my marriage was a mistake.

My next blunder (Prince II) was handsome with classic good looks, intelligence, but he was also full of wasted talent. Did I mention that I had this major crush on him? Did I mention that he was an alcoholic? He was also a wrong choice. Again. That made me a two-time loser. Isn’t that a lovely name? This really didn’t make my ego feel strong and invulnerable. Wrong again.

Prince-in-Waiting was also handsome. Do you see a pattern here? I tried to find other descriptions for this man, but it was difficult. He was my friend and lover. He showed me how to laugh, joke, and have fun. But he also almost single-handedly destroyed my family relationships. You know—the above mentioned daughter, along with one mother and two grandchildren. Fortunately, he went through male menopause and moved on to greener pastures before permanent damage was done.

Frog # 4: I thought I was making a connection with Rudolph, as in Valentino. “Call me Rudy. I’m a lawyer and own several oil wells. I have great relationships with my children, and I love to travel.” What’s wrong with this picture and why does he have trouble finding a girlfriend? I don’t know. He never called me back after our forty minute conversation. I guess he was more of a Rudolph, as is in red-nosed reindeer, than a movie-star idol.

So where do I go from here? I haven’t got a clue. But I still wonder, if the opportunity arises again, will I continue to make poor choices? I know that I just want to be loved. I want to be respected. I want an equal partner.

I want Prince Charming!

How many frogs must I kiss?

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